A wide sea of eyes…

A list of things I want in my next relationship

Archive for the tag “happiness”

Twelve: A team player

You don’t have to be an athlete, but you do need to know how to be a team player to be successful in a relationship with me.

A person can learn a lot from participating on a sports team.  However, it is not a guarantee that you will be a team player in a relationship.  I have known many athletes who can be selfish players and have trouble getting along in relationships because they don’t know how to be part of a two person team.

The flip side of that is that there are people who have not had the benefit of playing organized sports, but still know how to make a positive contribution to the “team”.  The experience of playing team sports is great, but it is not the only way to learn how to be part of a team.  I can see it from both sides.  I learned the value of team play much later in life, and my children are all very active in team sports.

So what does it mean to play on team WSOE (Wide Sea Of Eyes)?

Being on the WSOE team means:

  • read my entire blog (just kidding…but seriously, read it)
  • treat me as an equal
  • respect my opinions
  • communicate your own opinions
  • being an active participant in the relationship
  • be flexible
  • be positive
  • know how to give and take
  • cheer for his team members!

Here are a couple of pictures of one of my little athletes.  The first picture was taken when he was just getting started and now he is quite a skater.  He is a great sportsman and will one day be a terrific partner to someone.  He is one of the fortunate people who is growing up  playing a sport he loves, but that is not enough for him to learn the important skills needed to be a part of a relationship team.   As his mother/coach/cheerleader, it is my goal that he will learn those skills and be happy in his own future relationships.  I am hopeful that this will happen.  He has his own personal coach after all!

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Eleven: Attentive

Happiness in a relationship is about taking care of the little things.   It’s about being attentive to your partner’s needs.

This week I had two separate conversations with friends who are each going through some major health issues.  One friend is older and has been married for a long time.  The other friend is a new bride, just starting to build her life with her young husband.  Both women have reached out to their husbands to ask for some attention, a little TLC, and both women feel that they have been let down.

The young bride joked about it and said, “Oh that’s just how he is.”  I cringed when I heard her make his excuses.  I wanted to tell her not to accept his neglectful and inconsiderate ways and to expect more for herself and from her husband.  All she had asked for was a bowl of soup.  A bowl of soup!  She had just come from the emergency room and was recovering from surgery and this dude couldn’t make her a bowl of soup?  Are you kidding me?  I wanted to cuff this young pup on the back of the head and tell him to smarten up and take care of his beautiful bride.  I didn’t do that, instead I kept my opinions, and my hands, to myself.

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My older friend also feels let down as she deals with her own health issues.  All she asked of her husband was to say, “I don’t get it, but I will love and support you through this anyway.”  She wasn’t expecting him to understand what she is going through.  She wasn’t asking him to do anything or to make any grand gesture of support.  She just wanted a hug.  Instead he stared at her like a deer caught in headlights and then bolted from the room as soon as he got a chance.   She was frustrated because she has had many conversations with him over the years about how to be supportive.  She has given him the words to say, but he just won’t say them.

All relationships have issues to work on.  I understand that.  I just don’t want this to be an issue in my relationship.  For me, it’s a no brainer.  If the person you love is sick, you take care of them.  You make them a bowl of soup and you give them a hug.  In my opinion, you should do those things willingly.  It’s those kind of little gestures that make a person feel loved and cared for when s/he needs it the most.

In fact, we should feel loved and cared for even on our healthy days.   Why shouldn’t every day come with a little bit of positive attention from your partner?  Little touches, hugs, compliments and smiles of support and encouragement are not a lot to ask for and should be given freely and often.  Compliment him on his blue eyes, tell her that her hair looks nice, give each other a sweet smile when you first open your eyes in the morning.  Say, “Good morning beautiful.  Good morning handsome.”

Be attentive.  Say nice things and say them often.  Remind your partner how valuable they are to you with small daily kindnesses and loving words.  Why wouldn’t you?

One: A Giver

Signs that he is a giver:

  • he donates to a charity
  • he volunteers
  • he stops to help people
  • he makes himself available to family and friends
  • he does nice things for strangers without telling anyone about it
  • he shares
  • he listens
  • you feel like you can count on him
  • he has a lot of friends (Givers tend to be the kind of people who attract others)

If a man gets a tattoo of “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein that has to be a good sign doncha think?

It is time for me to find a giver.  I am not looking for material things but someone who has a giving spirit.  It’s so important to me that I decided to make this characteristic the first post on this blog.  If both people in a relationship are givers then that is bound to create something magical.

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