I had a list of what I wanted in a man when I was in my 20’s that included things like educated, attractive, athletic, and I don’t know what else but I do know that I didn’t include kindness.
What the hell was I thinking?
When I think of kindness I think of two things 1. Children and 2. Animals. How he treats both indicates the level of kindness in his heart. If he hits his dog, or ignores his children…then he isn’t a kind man.
If he calls me names and swears at me than he isn’t kind. If he turns his back on me or ignores me when I am hurting then he isn’t a kind-hearted man. If he hurts me physically and emotionally without sincere remorse then guess what? He isn’t a kind person. If he lies, cheats and plays games, then he isn’t a kind-hearted man. If he treats me like a door mat or a second class citizen, then he is lacking kindness.
Why didn’t I have kindness on my twenty something list?
I just didn’t think it all through. I didn’t have enough good character traits on my list to make sure that I had kindness in my relationships. I took it for granted that other people are like me. It never occurred to me to do those awful things and I naively believed that most men are kind.
Now I know better.
I am proud of myself for getting rid of the unkind men I have known. I deserve better than those assholes and now I really know it. Now I know to expect it right from the beginning and to expect nothing less.
This blog isn’t just about finding a kind man but it is about developing a kind relationship. I know that my partner will want kindness from me in return. Kindness goes both ways after all. I know how to speak softly, to protect a tender heart, to touch gently and to appreciate the small things and to give them in return.
Kindness…such a fundamental ingredient to a healthy relationship and one I will never again live without.